


'cause i've been waiting for you for so long, so long

by Flora_Obsidian



Series: found families [4]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Gen, Rey Skywalker, accidental child abandonment, feels everywhere
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-29
Updated: 2016-05-29
Packaged: 2018-07-10 15:52:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6992209
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Flora_Obsidian/pseuds/Flora_Obsidian
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She trusts them enough to tell them, or maybe she just can't hold it in any longer.</p>
            </blockquote>





	'cause i've been waiting for you for so long, so long

**Author's Note:**

> So this isn't precisely a _happy_ story. No one dies, but it's sad and emotional and Rey really needs a hug.
> 
> Takes place sometime between chapters one and two of _lights will guide you home_ and after _milk and honey (or anything that isn't a decade-old rations bar_.

The three of them have holed up in a high tower in the most recent base of operations acquired by the Resistance, another old set of stone buildings on a humid jungle planet populated by very few sentient beings to speak of. It's just the three of them right now, and food swiped from the mess hall, and a light breeze drifting through the open air, and the glow of the setting sun illuminating everything in a brilliant gold. Rey is slowly teaching herself how to enjoy meals instead of scarfing them down or measuring how long it can last her if she doesn't eat anything else- she considers how it tastes, and whether she actually likes it or not (she's used to taking what she can get, because when she's scavenging all day for a half-portion of food she can't be picky about what she gets). There's more variety in food and flavors than she had ever thought possible, remembering only the bland taste of rations and warm, stale water. Every new food is a thrill, once she gets past the initial recoil - food doesn't come without a price, she needs to work for this, but she  _doesn't_ now, and isn't that wonderful?

She likes spicy things, she's found, and the sweet desserts are incredible even if they're too rich for her stomach to handle- and fruit is amazing- and there's  _hundreds_ of types of bread, better than her old S-Rations,  _everything_ is better than her old S-Rations. She loves bread.

"Apple?" Finn asks her. He doesn't care much for their taste, but the Resistance hasn't gotten its latest supply drop yet and apples are the only fruit available aside from indigenous plants, so he took it when it was offered. Rey nods, and he tosses it to her.

"Thanks."

For the most part, they can sit in a companionable kind of silence. They like talking, especially Poe, but Rey doesn't know much about conversation beyond talking to Grandpa or Grandma or haggling with a stubborn alien about how much water her scrap deserves, and she knows Finn just isn't used to talking at all- anyway, Poe likes people not clamoring for his attention all of the time, likes being able to just sit and not worry about anything. Quiet is a good thing for them, some time to relax and the end of a long and hectic day.

Quiet also means Rey has time to thing, and she tends to get lost in her thoughts with nothing else to do-

-and "I need to get back to Jakku" slips past her lips before she has time to stop it, before she really even registers that she wants to say it.

Finn makes a face, kind of an impulse reaction when confronted with the notion of sand- she can hear Grandpa's approving words in the back of her mind,  _"Good kid, you hate sand. You can trust this one, Rey!"_ and Grandma's laughter. Poe seems confused, and she can feel the brief stab of  _hurt-disappointment-regret_ that lances through the Force before he quashes the feeling down.

"Right," he says. "You were- you have grandparents there, you must want to get back to them."

She freezes mid-bite, forces herself to finish chewing so she doesn't choke, thinks about what she's actually said in the past. They know that her grandparents raised her, that she grew up on Jakku- but not who she  _is_ , and not who her grandparents are, and certainly not that both of her grandparents are dead, because that would be a bit much to explain to someone.  _Hello, my name is Rey, my grandparents are Force ghosts. How are you?_  

Rey's considered telling them before, but she can't figure out the words.

The logical conclusion Poe has clearly come to is that she's leaving the Resistance to return to her family- which is  _ridiculous_ , of course, because she never wants to go back to Jakku, and her birth family is here, and Grandma and Grandpa are family and will stay with her wherever she goes, and she's getting an inkling than Poe and Finn are family even if they aren't related to her, and she doesn't know what to do with  _that_ either.

"No, no," she says, shaking her head, fumbling with her words. "It's- complicated. Um. They aren't on Jakku. I just. Have some things that I want to bring back here. I don't ever- I don't want to go back. To stay, I mean."

They both feel relieved at that, like they want her around, and they  _do_ want her around, she tells herself firmly, because Poe is probably incapable of being unkind and Finn has held her hand, and they've both hugged her- strangers who care, friends- family? Poe smiles easily at her, no trace of his earlier worry evident in either the Force or her expression.

"I'm glad to hear they got off that lump of sand," he says, and Finn nods his agreement, and-

Rey takes another bite of her sandwich, chewing and taking her time to think about replying, and that's not the right conclusion either, and she thinks she trusts them enough to tell them, but- how?

"Um," she says eloquently. 

Well, she's good at being blunt.

But she takes another bite of her sandwich first.

"...Beings able to manipulate the Force are sometimes able to manifest after death. Grandpa was a powerful Jedi."

There's a long pause. Rey takes another bite of her sandwich - she should slow down, it's almost gone, and then she won't be able to stall anymore - and determinedly refuses to meet their eyes.

Something twists a bit inside of her. She knows and understands the need to be cautious, growing up in a desert where one mistake could have meant her death, but she still feels a drive to  _act_ , to seize an opportunity the moment she sees it- and she wants, she desperately  _wants_ someone to share things with- someone else who understands, someone else she can talk to the way she's learned to speak with Grandpa and Grandma-

"But where are your parents?" Finn asks softly, and that's kindness and empathy (he's often wondered the same thing), and it looks both familiar and not on a face not belonging to her grandparents- and isn't  _that_ the million-credit question, really? Isn't that what the galaxy has been asking for more than a decade?  _Where is Luke Skywalker?_ And the air suddenly feels difficult to breathe, and she curls in a bit on herself-

"Don't know," she says. "Left me there. Meant to keep me safe, there was a family, but- sandstorms. Get dangerous."

-and her throat feels tight, like it does when she hasn't had anything to drink for too long, and her eyes burn like she has sand in them, which is ridiculous because they're about as far from sand as they can get, and there's still a part of her mind telling her fiercely  _don't cry, you can't waste the moisture_ , and she puts the last of her sandwich in her mouth and twitches when Poe slings an arm around her and pulls her close. Finn shuffles over to her other side so she's kind of squished between them- they're getting better at this, the whole touching-while-not-accidentally-causing-a-panic-attack kind of thing.

(she's stopped flinching at every hint of physical contact, but surprise hugs from behind are still a bad idea; she punched Poe in the nose once before she realized what she was doing, and Finn's gotten more than one good blow in without realizing who he's lashing out at)

"Well, ghost or no, your grandparents raised a great person," Poe says easily, because when one grows up with things like Force-sensitive trees and lives and breathes rebellion, one stops getting fazed by much of anything.

"I'm glad you trust us enough to tell us," Finn adds on.

(the thoughts in their own heads are the closest thing to possessions that Troopers own, though even those aren't safe from reconditioning; still, he understands what it means to share something private, the difficultly such a seemingly simple task can have)

Her fingers curl into the leather of Poe's jacket, though she isn't sure whether she's trying to anchor herself or keep him from leaving.

"I know- who they are. My parents. Just don't know-  _where_ \- they left, I don't know why they  _left_ \- they never came  _back_."

What  _is_ family, anyway? She can't call those people of legend  _family_ , they aren't  _family_ to her, they aren't her grandparents, they weren't  _there_ for her, and it doesn't matter that they didn't know because they weren't there and- and family might be blood, like her grandparents, but it might be- might be  _this_ , might be the feeling of  _safe-warm-comfort_ that comes from her friends on either side of her- and something fragile snaps and the dam blocking up all her painful past crumbles.

" _Skywalker_ , he left, and-" And the words are spilling out too fast to structure, now that she's started she can't stop, and she can feel their shock rippling outward in the Force like a splash of cold water- and a spike of righteous anger, directed- not to her? To- her father? To  _Luke Skywalker_? "And I remember Ren destroying the Temple, and- I saw Han Solo and I  _knew_ , but he didn't- and they're all just  _strangers_ , I don't- I don't-"

"Easy, easy," Poe says, and she's shaking, and Finn is holding her hand again and letting her come close to breaking his fingers in a white-knuckled grip. "It's your family, your choice to talk to them or not. But right now, we're just gonna sit and be quiet, all right- just breathe, Rey, it's okay. We're not going anywhere."

The high tower is a nice place is good for quiet after a long and hectic day.

* * *

Rey gets sick before she can make it back to Jakku.

Poe takes leave, Finn, a ship, and BB-8, and they all fly back to the endless desert sands of a tiny brown dust ball on the edge of the Outer Rim. They touch down where BB-8 claims Rey's shelter is- in a wasteland of Star Destroyers and TIEs and X-Wings alike. The desert sun beats down on their heads and everything shimmers faintly in the heat.

“All right, BB-8, show us where to go,” Poe says, and Finn glares at the sand (which has already gotten into his shoes, seriously, what the _hell_ ), and the little ball droid beeps and chirps and starts rolling off across the dunes.

It's not too far from the ship, though perhaps more of a walk than it could have been, but Poe hadn't wanted to risk setting the ship down in the middle of all the debris; it's parked on some exposed bedrock in a clear area. They carry a couple of storage containers between them, following the path BB-8 makes in the sand, and come to a stop in front of an overturned Imperial Walker- and BB-8 chirps and rolls through a hole leading inside, and Poe stops in his tracks, a cold feeling in his stomach.

“Finn,” he says, but he can't think of anything else, words to really describe _this_ -

They shuffle into a dim little space, gritty and sandy, large enough for them to stand upright but not for them to really move around with much freedom- a hammock strung up in the corner, made out of an old canvas parachute, and a hot plate rigged up to some ancient batteries starting to corrode, and a desert flower mostly brown from lack of care, only a shade of green left in it-

And then he sees the wall running the length of the Walker's inner chamber, counts of five methodically etched into the metal paneling and covering it completely, each set maybe the width of his thumb-

He swears softly, and BB-8 trills sadly, and he knows that they can all hear Rey's feverish moans of _don't go come back_ -

“Okay,” Finn says softly. Poe turns back to look at him, sees him holding a little ragdoll with a pilot's orange flight suit in one hand, the “uniform” mostly tatters, the doll browned with age and frayed at the seams. “We came here to pack things, so let's pack.”

**Author's Note:**

> Come find me on Tumblr @[floraobsidian](floraobsidian.tumblr.com)


End file.
